I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
