I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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