This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
