I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
