I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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