I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
