Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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