She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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