things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
