Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
