he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
