Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
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just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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