My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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