At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
