I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
