Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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