Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
