I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
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my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
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I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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