I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
