After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
