I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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