I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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