Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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