last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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