I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
