i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
