I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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