return my video game
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
