It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
