I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
