is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We need to get me chipped asap
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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