I think my vagina is haunted
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
