ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
