you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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