worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
