just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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