worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
