white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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