Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I am available for nakedness
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
