I just made out with a guy for $7.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
