even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
