I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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