I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
