Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
