In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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