Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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