my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
