I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
