I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
