she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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