My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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