you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
