I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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