talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
