We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
