He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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