Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
