Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
