oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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