i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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