Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
