she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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