Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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