i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
