you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
