Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
